‘No coaching experience required’: transcript of ECB announcement of coaching vacancies in England

It’s nice to see that Gary Kirsten is currently happy with 8.59/10. Let’s hope that if we can really instill a culture, we can get this up to 8.63.

To the job description:

These roles are responsible for developing world-class England men’s teams in both red and white ball cricket and ensuring sustained success both at home and abroad. The roles will have the added responsibility of developing the play style and culture that inspire future generations players and fans.

Are they saying Rory Burns isn’t inspiring?

Then some useful information about ECB for those who are applying for one of the biggest vacancies in English cricket but also don’t know what ECB is.

The England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) is the national governing body for all cricket in England and Wales, supporting the game at all levels from grassroots to international level.

It’s good to introduce yourself. Is there a song? Maybe rap? Not this time, but there is more:

Cricket is a force for good that has an indelible impact on people’s lives. This provides great entertainment.

The power of good, that’s it. Great entertainment… Well, in the last few years things have faltered between me and England.

It teaches important skills, both physical and social.

Social skills, yes. Like sledding and Joe Ruth, who was hit by David Warner in the walk.

Next we reach the “values” of the ECB. Anyone familiar with the vague concept of corporate values ​​will be prepared for an onslaught of empty words.

We stronger together. We take into account individual strengths and beliefs, but move in the same direction. We respect, support and really listen to each other along the way

Bad news for individual red ball teams, white ball teams, and other white ball teams.

We are brave, bold and curious. We challenge and disagree. We forge the future, remembering our roots.

Note the lowercase ‘r’ in ‘roots’ because you are supposed to remember the upper case of the root. It is also extremely important to remember our Stokes, Wakes and Fawkes and the differences between them. An interesting mention of whist also need a coach in nursing homes to play cards?

We train hard. We strive to be the best to help the team be the best.

This is the only way to reclaim the sacred giant hairpin awarded to the number one challenge team.

We celebrate our victories and learn from our failures.

Just please don’t celebrate with booze on hotel balconies until the Hobart police tell you to go to bed.

We are here to inspire and be inspired. We are serious about what we do, but don’t take ourselves seriously. We enjoy the journey and have fun.


Some highlights from the Key Skills section:

The successful candidate in each format will be an experienced strategist with clear and ambitious plans for how they will develop and succeed for English cricket. Forward movement.

Of course, the reference to “moving forward” is wonderful managerial jargon. The candidate must also return to action all the knowledge acquired in terms of the cultural part by the end of the game.

The head coach of each format must be an outstanding communicator and have strong people management skills. Their focus will be on managing competitive, highly qualified and self-reliant England team and an elite work environment that requires exceptional standards of professionalism.

Please note: only applies to work with a white ball.

The head coach of each format must be able to demonstrate innovative approach and striving to be at the forefront of the latest developments in cricket and elite coaching.

What does that mean? A novelty for the Test team at this stage would be to feature one of the top four batsmen going two innings without a duck.

But now, most importantly, we get to the “Culture” section with a capital letter.

Development a high performance culture that delivers outstanding performanceoff the field, ensuring that England teams are capable of consistently winning in all formats, home and away.

It looks like the ECB wants to close the circle, but ended up with Escher’s drawing.

role modeling integrity, values ​​and professional standards

Come on, it’s not a verb.

creating an inspiring and performance driven culture in a team environment where all who wear the ECB badge understand and appreciate their wider responsibilities in the game.

House! Delicious portion of word salad.

Finally, we come to the list of what applicants need to get this job. All of them are listed under the heading “required” skills. Non-negotiable. No wonder topping the list:

Ability to manage culture and environment

To be honest, if you’ve come this far and haven’t realized that driving culture is the most important part of training a cricket team, you’re wasting your time.

Finally, just one thing listed as “desirable”. That is, a useful, but insignificant, pleasant thing.

International and/or first class/domestic white ball experience

Right. So you can be a football manager, a motivational speaker, maybe even a trainee chef with big ideas about how many passes are required for Trent Bridge. Just make sure you can manage the culture.

Of course, it’s good to have some cricket practice, but don’t worry too much if that’s not on your resume.