My sister-in-law treats our house as an extended stay hotel and I can’t do that anymore

Question: “My husband’s sisterBoth live out of the country and want to stay with us whenever they come to the States. They want to stay anywhere from two to four weeks and I just can’t take it. I am in my 70s and unable to host people like I used to. As a nice gesture I told them they could stay a week this time and then book a hotel or rental for the extra time. Both of them have enough money to book a hotel or other accommodation but don’t want to spend money only on accommodation.

Additionally, the friends they’ve been with in the past have rejected them because they’ve clearly overstayed their welcome. I am tired of being a maid, cook, cleaner, everything. his family Ask to stay with us. My husband gives me all kinds of grief for this and at this point, I think I will divorce him rather than put up with his family, his fights and revenge.

I’m married but I feel like a single parent. How can I help my partner around the house?

We don’t ask to stay with them when we go to their destination! They are resting and I guess that is part of the problem – sleeping on the floor is perfectly acceptable to them. I’m a bit high maintenance and need my privacy. I love walking around in my underwear and eating breakfast at 11 a.m. They never consult me ​​about living in our house. Is it wrong to offer only one week and not let them stay for a month?”

the answer: I don’t think you’d think they wouldn’t be the easiest of guests based on not wanting guests for a month and their friends saying no. I know state finances aren’t an issue for you, however, if they can’t afford to stay or just don’t want to “waste money” after your first week of opening your home, let them travel. Dates may need to be revised and shortened. their journey.

More: Am I wrong to choose my boyfriend over my toxic family?

I like to use the banana rule for guests: How long can you go before a banana turns brown? About a week, right? It is acceptable for guests to stay for as long as they wish before being greeted. I’m in my late 20s and I feel the same as you, so don’t feel like your age is the culprit here. Hosting is not easy. On the surface this seems like a painless process and a good thing, but it’s not that simple. It’s great to visit someone occasionally and stay for a few days, but keeping someone in place for weeks is tiring and a lot of work. They are taking advantage of you and don’t realize how much it compromises your routine and comfort in your own space.

Whenever I host someone I realize that I need to be “on” all the time. And don’t get me wrong, hosting can be great but in a situation like yours and when it’s such a long term it will wear out quickly. Does your husband help with anything during their visit or does all the extra work associated with their stay fall on you? It would be one thing if they weren’t so cumbersome and so self-sufficient, but based on your description it sounds like you’re meeting their every need. I think one option you could try is to plan a little vacation of your own when they visit. Your husband can reassess the whole arrangement when he has to entertain, cook and clean up after them.

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I understand that your husband likes hosting or that it is important to him that his family always have a place to stay, but he is not considering your feelings. If he’s not splitting any labor with you, he gets all the benefits of visiting family without any of the hosting work. The division of household labor is usually uneven in multi-sex households, but when it comes to guests there should be a better division of tasks. Although I am far from the old days, I believe that the labor related to guests should fall more on the partner whose guest they are and not on the person who usually does the housework. This is a house that you and your husband share and you are not being respected as his partner. It may be time to put your foot down and make your feelings clear. And, if not, enjoy your upcoming vacations when they come!

Morgan Absher is an occupational therapist in Los Angeles who hosts the podcast “Two Hot Takes” where she and her co-hosts offer advice. She writes a weekly column, sharing her advice with USA TODAY readers. Find him on TikTok. @twohottakes And YouTube Here. You can reach him by email at Mabsher@gannett.com or you can click Here To share your story with him.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: My in-laws stay at our house too late and it has to stop. Help!