Dear Abi: My best friend, whom I know for most of my life, is his 7-year-old grandson. Boy, “Cody” is bad, rude and makes offensive comments to adults.
He plans to visit us this weekend when my wife and I want to rest. While they’re here, Cody loads up on sugar, breaks into rooms and picks up broken objects while watching us to see our reaction. He also does calisthenics and runs around when he’s here. He makes derogatory remarks about us that my friend encourages and thinks it’s ridiculous.
As much as I love my friend, how can I tell him that his grandson is no longer welcome?
In a condom
Dear in a condom: Has it happened to you that Cody may have more serious problems than the sound of sugar? The behavior you describe may be a symptom of ADHD and / or a learning disability.
If Cody has not been reviewed by a medical professional, he should be. If you really love this friend, suggest it and tell him why.
If he breaks up with you because of it, you won’t be the victim of Cody’s unfortunate behavior. On the other hand, if my problem is on target, you can make this boy’s life better, because he doesn’t just work in your house.
Dear Abi: I love my wife very much, but unfortunately, we have a problem with communication / interpretation.
She is curious and asks a lot of questions. I become defensive when I ask questions. Sometimes I think it shows a lack of trust or confidence in me. My wife says I am very sensitive.
There are times when I guess a negative tone where no one is, and other times when I believe my impression is spot on. Sometimes, I suspect he is unwilling to accept an answer that does not match his own thinking.
She comes from a family where it is common to correct each other over even the smallest things. She is a teacher, so in some ways, it’s part of her job.
My wife seems unable to use alternative phrases, which makes her less likely to develop a defensive reaction. When we argue about it, it seems like I’m always the one who has to give up the land. When I try to express my feelings, it only makes things worse. When I choose to be more determined, it results in more growth.
I have been blessed with a spouse who is free, strong-minded and outspoken. How can I make a thick skin so that I don’t feel like I have a second guess at every turn? When should I talk?
Misunderstanding in Texas
Dear Munderstud: now Have a great time talking.
When you do this, tell your wife that the teacher کہ that you make a second guess at every turn, and now it’s time to seek the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist so that you can both improve your communication skills.
If she agrees, it can be helpful for your marriage. If not here’s a new product just for you!
Dear Abby Abigail Van Brain, also known as Jane Phillips, was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.