DEAR HARRIET: My girlfriend and I found ourselves in the middle of a chaotic bar fight last night.
When things got too noisy, I asked her if we could leave, but she insisted that we stay and continue our evening as if nothing had happened.
One thing led to another, and she ended up in a full blown physical fight with the other. girl. My girlfriend not only struck the first blow, but provoked her by hurling insults at a woman who wouldn’t even talk to her.
The next day she apologized to me for her disobedience and chalked it up to her drinking.
Although she told me that it would never happen again, I can’t look past her trashy, noisy and dirty side that I saw that night at the bar. Could this be her true nature, or should I forget about this incident and move on?
Bar fight
DEAR BAR WRESTLING: Take this incident seriously. When you both sober up, reconsider this.
Remind your girlfriend of what happened. Describe in detail how she acted, what she said, how she said it, and how you feel about it.
She is unlikely to want to participate in this conversation, but you need to put pressure on her. Tell her how upset you were (and still are) about her behavior. The fact that she was drunk does not justify her and makes her look at her in a different light.
Sobriety talk. Maybe your girlfriend has a drinking problem? Look carefully at her behavior and at yours. What is the best support to help the two of you get through this? If talking to a counselor can help, make this recommendation.
You don’t have to end the relationship now. You should pay close attention to him to see what he needs to be healthier.
DEAR HARRIET: I have always been an excellent student. I take pride in knowing that whatever I set my mind to, I can accomplish about 99.9% of the time. When I can do it, I always do more.
When I entered college, I realized that I overdid it to fill the feeling of emptiness inside. I am already in adulthood, and this feeling has not disappeared.
I find myself setting near-impossible goals for myself, only to reach them and feel empty again.
I am ready to dig deeper into myself and find a new purpose. How do I find a goal that is greater than my career accomplishments, my finances, or anything superficial?
New target
DEAR NEW GOAL: I love the practice of meditation because it helps us calm the mind and listen to our inner voice.
I strongly encourage you to calm down and seek your own inner guidance. What do you want from life next? What are your goals? What do you want for yourself? Is it a relationship? General peace? An opportunity to relax? Is there a hobby that might interest you?
Find out what is missing in your life and focus some of your attention on it. You can do it with pleasure – think about how you approach academic and work goals. You can apply a similar enthusiasm to a new hobby.
Ultimately, the goal is to relax and just enjoy the moment. That in itself is a huge achievement.
Harriett Cole is a stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can direct questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.