Dear Miss Etiquette: Maybe you can help me. My niece got married in 2018 and decided not to tell anyone. (When the couple was around family, they left their wedding rings in the car.) They finally came clean in 2021.
Now, we’ve got an invitation to her “wedding,” which is happening this summer. It’s a destination wedding, where everyone invited has to spend the weekend at a hotel about 300 miles away. And it’s a holiday weekend, to boot!
My wife thinks we need to be there, but I disagree. I can’t believe that after three years of lying, I have to go to a party to celebrate this fact. It’s basically a $1,000 weekend to celebrate someone’s four-year anniversary. And they lied to us!
Isn’t it now that we live with our decisions? They chose to marry and keep this information to themselves. Don’t expect me to celebrate that fact four years later. what do you think?
Sharif Qari: That the definition of marriage seems to be disconnected from the act of getting married in general, even apart from establishing a family and having children. Now the term is simply used to refer to a couple’s self-serving fundraising extravaganza.
Miss Manners is as worried about him as you are. If you can’t convince your wife, she won’t either, but at least you can save $500 if your wife attends without you.
Dear Miss Etiquette: A friend of mine and her boyfriend met for a few days. It was very strange.
I thought they were visiting my husband and me, so we cleared our schedule and planned activities for each of the five days.
But when they arrived, they spent most of their time in the guest room with the door closed, watching TV. He constantly stayed up too late for most of our planned activities.
I reframed the invitations as a working suggestion, and it would get a hearty response. I confronted my friend and said that I thought we would spend some time together, and I was a little worried that my time was not being respected when she agreed to plan and then bail. will
Even after this direct conversation, nothing changed. It was a very uncomfortable feeling, not interacting with the people living in my house.
How do you handle a guest who isolates himself like this?
Sharif Qari: Smoke them out?
The technical term for your visitors is “freeloaders”. Your next — and final — offer, if they’re still in your guest room, should be to help transport them home.
Please direct your questions to Miss Manners at her website at www.missmanners.com. At his email, firstname.lastname@example.org; Or send by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMail Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.